


The Hidden Corpse Of A Suicidal Teen

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysphoria, Cronus is a transmale, Cutting, Death, Depression, Drinking, Drug Use, Drunk Driving, Gender Dysphoria, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Murder, Necrophilia?, Panic Attacks, Sadstuck, Schizophrenia, Slurs, Suicide, There are other mental illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5110145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wwhat havve you done to me!? I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD THAT WAS THE POINT A' KILLIN' MYSELF!"<br/>Read to learn more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hidden Corpse Of A Suicidal Teen

**Author's Note:**

> ~The ships in the tag are not all of them, there are more.~  
> Because it implies rape (or past rape) that is why it is an archive warning.

He stood on the edge of the cliff's shelf, the grass and dirt cold beneath his toes as he looked onward at the vast expanse of wavering blue. Not wanting to admit that he was unsure if his sanity had been removed from the equation of his life or if it was just another puzzle piece forgotten beneath the mass of his insecurities. He was unsure if he took that single step forward that he'd actually fall off the cliff to what others labeled doom since it was so appealing to him now.  
Death. It felt like the answer to all his problems. Though temporary as they were they had begun appearing long-term with how they've drawn out to this point. For months he's felt alien to himself, felt like a parasite invading the lives of the people he cares so terribly for and he just wants it to end. Wants the feeling of being a burden to jump off his shoulders with him in unison once he's ready to take the last leap of faith into death's cold, nurturing embrace.  
Nothings working for him anymore. Not the medication, not the psychological counseling, not even the people he believed to be his friends. And now he's finally done with acting like the boy with no problems behind the curtains. Done always feeling like the burden, the anchor that holds his friends from moving forward in life so now he'd do them all the favour they deserved for dealing with him.  
He'd exterminate the pest that was himself. He'd lift the burden of dealing with him from their shoulders because he knows they don't really like him. After all, he allowed himself to reach out only to metaphorically fall in the process from being ignored. Now it was time for that metaphorical fall to become a literal one so he could be relieved of the weight of his emotions that fucked up his mental state.  
It was time to stop feeling like the burden. Finish being the problematic fave that everyone loved to hate, and he didn't blame them for feeling the way they do. Besides, he learned from them to hate himself. Hard-wired himself to believe he was always the problem and that he was the one to be blamed for whatever happened.  
He learned to join them in their loathing of his existence without them ever knowing it. Yet he had apologized already to Karkat, Kanaya, and for whatever reason Feferi before he'd walked out into the woods behind his house and trekked to the narrow path leading to the cliff's shelf after he was sure that his two family members had fallen asleep prior. Those three considerably closest friends probably wouldn't read that Facebook message he'd sent till the morning came and it would already be to late for them to do anything like he had wanted to happen since the message was his way of clearing the water he had dirtied and soiled with his life.  
He was cold, being clad in only a pair of long grey sweatpants, but yet he was also to numb to take notice of the cold as he stood there in silent agony. Far too numb with emotion to care anymore which only caused more tears to streak down his face because he only cared too much yet it never seemed like it was enough. His eyes, stained red from crying, looked toward the stars twinkling mindlessly in their dark blanket of the night and they too did not want to admit that he was unsure of why he continued masquerading through life with a deteriorating mental state for so long.  
The anxiety had become too much, the depression too much as well, and living was only a distressing endeavor that he wished to extricate himself from at this point in time. Everything had seemingly become too much but as well just too little in the past months. These constant contradictions were driving him insane, taking away his ability to sleep. Taking away his ability to form words that would explain how he feels because he feels like he's walking on egg shells that don't even exist.  
He grasps at straws but there are none to be had. He's tired of feeling the way that he does because he doesn't feel he deserves too for a reason he rather keep secret out of fear of upsetting someone else by mentioning it. Though yet, since he's just a step away from death, he will admit that the reason is because he hates himself for every emotion he's ever had because, in his mind, it makes him selfish to feel.  
And now he questions why he hasn't jumped yet. Why the invisible rope hasn't been pulled taut by the weight of his body hanging from it by the noose he's inevitably tied. Gently, he rubs at his neck where this invisible rope is tied and for some reason it causes a smile to twinge at his lips. Only making him cry harder as he shakes his head and the smile fades to a solemn, pained frown.  
"I'm sorry, Kan, I lied to you, I'm sorry" spills quietly from his cracked lips as his hands that had been limp at his sides spring to life as they try desperately to lessen the flood of tears by smearing them away. Yet, like always, it is an attempt proven fruitless since they only continue stubbornly down his cheeks regardless of his efforts. And secretly Eridan wished that Kanaya were here with him at this current time to help wipe away the tears, to help him change his mind about killing himself, to comfort him like a mother would, to listen, and silently he hopes in quiet desperation that she doesn't miss him once he's gone, he hopes that his death doesn't leave a tear in her heart.  
"I'm so fuckin' sorry, Fef" he sobs muffedly. "I'm so bloody fuckin' sorry, I'm so pathetic, I'm sorry" is all he can really say for himself now. Besides, Eridan believes that by having emotions he pushed his best friend away, all because he told her his feelings and she couldn't carry them, they were too heavy for even her. And he blames himself because she was someone dear to him and now she's gone, too, because he trusted her enough to think that she was alright with listening to him speak of his burdens.  
"I'm sorry, Kar. I'm so fuckin' sorry, I lied to you and the others, I'm so sorry I'm so wworthless, I pushed you all awway because a' me and my stupid shitty problems" Eridan wraps his arms around his abdomen and gives out a mute cry of pain as he tries bending over to ease it away without success since the pain is not physical but emotional. He feels crippled but he knows he isn't.  
In the back of his mind he wonders if Karkat would yell at him for doing what he is about to do. As he's straightening his position and forcing his hands at his sides, he pictures the angry ball of strange insults yelling at him for feeling but it doesn't feel right or fit perfectly in the framed picture of how Karkat reacts to other's feelings. He knows that in truth that Karkat wouldn't yell at him for having emotions like a human. No, Karkat would speak soothingly, comfort him in a way that is brotherly if he were here now and assure Eridan that everything is going to be okay and this makes the Aquarius's chest ache from knowing that.  
"I don't wwant to, guys, but I-I havve to" his voice cracks in a whisper that he finds gruesome for there is too much emotion, feeling, in his words. "I'm doin' this for all a' you. Okay?" an empty question with no answer like he is trying to convince himself more-so than the three he wishes were here now that his suicide has a purpose of mending what he feels he's broken.  
"I-I'm sorry. So sorry. Goodbye"  
"I at least hope that you'll havve nice days from here on out, I'm sorry" And his body falls forward as he stretches his arms out to embrace the pull of gravity so that he can become one with the ocean.

 **4:35 A.M., five hours after Eridan's Suicide**  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cronus screeches as he tosses the letter down. "Nooooo!" he yells. "No! No, no, no! NOOOOO!" he screams loud enough to wake his father. His arms wrapping around his mid-section as he screams wordlessly.  
Tears spilling from his cheeks like the Hoover Dam broke as he collapses to his knees like he's been shot in the gut. "NOOOOO!" he shakes his head vigorously like he'll wake up from the nightmare of knowing his little brother ran off in the middle of the night to commit suicide and he was left unaware. So terribly unaware.  
Bending over forward in an attempt to try and ease the immense amount of pain now thriving in his chest. He doesn't want to believe that anything in the note was true. He's waiting to hear Eridan pop out of the closet and say "Pranked you, fool!" or pop out from under his striped ocean themed covers but he knows Eridan doesn't do that kind of thing since the boy finds pranks to be wasteful of ones time plus the covers were left untouched and that only makes the turmoil boil ever more as Cronus cries in agony for what his little brother has done.  
And the father of the two sons runs upstairs from his bedroom and into Eridan's to see the display of Cronus crippled on the floor in tears just a foot in front of the note his youngest wrote in apology for killing himself. But the man with the two scars across his face has yet to read the contents of the letter so he steps forward softly, kneeling down beside Cronus once beside him and picking up the letter to read it. Only for his face to contort in disbelief as it settles on him with a wave of dread.  
"Cronus..." he whispers softly. "Vwhat?" the trans-boy sputters out between sobs. "Tell me this is fake" the man does best to keep his voice calm, turning his head to his eldest and now only child with the suicide note clenched in his hand. His eyes are begging his son but Cronus just looks down toward the floor and continues crying. "I'm sorry, pop. But that's Danny's hand vwritin'. He vwrote it." he murmurs.  
Aquatos trembles as he tries not to cry, setting the suicide note aside as he pulls Cronus's head against his chest and cradles his son like he used to when his boys were younger. His eyes wide with shock as tears take the opportunity presented and leak from his eyes like a broken faucet. "It might not be to late, I should go look for him, call the police and tell them to help." Aquatos informs softly, massaging Cronus's back gently.  
"Vwhat about-" Cronus is about to ask of school though is cut off quickly by his dad. "Call the police, stay here. I'll be back soon" he whispers softly, kissing the oldest son's forehead before standing up and wasting no time in searching for his other son who is already dead. Cronus, on the other hand, scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket and dialed 911 as quick as possible.  
For what felt like a second too long someone answered, "Hello, this is nine-one-one, how can I help you?"  
"My lil' brother left the house around nine p.m. last night to commit suicide, at least that's vwhat I assume from h-his suicide note! P-please, please help us look for him, please!"  
"Ma'am," Cronus flinches but refrains from correcting the officer for mis-gendering him since there are bigger troubles at hand and the officer doesn't realize their mistake in the first place. "I can't hear you, you're speaking to fast. Calm down and repeat it please"  
"My FIFTEEN YEAR-OLD BROTHER COMMITTED SUICIDE LAST NIGHT! He left a note that he was gonna kill himself and I don't knovw vwhere he is! Help us look for him!"  
"Who is us?"  
"Me, Memory Sirena Ampora, and my pop, Aquatos Gillian Ampora, are the only family Eridanulas Caligulas Ampora has and he left the house around nine, I think, so he could go commit suicide and he isn't home right novw so please come to Mulberry Drive off Laurel and Cassanowva and help us look, please! The house is the only one and it's at the end of the street!"  
"Dispatching a team now. Would you like me to stay on the phone with you till the police and detective get there? Where is Aquatos currently?"  
"No, you don't hawve to. And pop vwent to go look for him in hopes of Eridanulas still bein' aliwve"  
"Alright. Sit tight for now and they will be there soon"  
"Okay" Cronus nodded, still bent over his knees as he stares at the suicide note. "Bye"  
"Goodbye, call a suicide hot-line if you need to" and the call ended.  
After a few seconds passed he let the phone slip out of his hand as he forced himself to stand up and stumble down the stairs so he could exit the house and sit on the porch-steps to wait for the police. Preparing himself to be mis-named and mis-gendered all the while yet that was at the back of his mind and worrying about his little brother's well-being than the gender-dysphoria at the front as he opens the door to the outside world. Letting it shut on it's own behind him as he takes a few steps forward before sitting down on the porch steps, feeling numb as he tries to stop crying and the Autumn breeze does nothing to soothe him or the pain he's feeling now.


End file.
